Overcoming Social Media Sadness by Nina Kosubevsky, LCSW
If you’re between the ages of 13 and 80, you’ve probably had a moment in the past year where you’ve checked your phone or found yourself scrolling through social media posts of friends and various social media influencers, interested in the lives other people live. In many ways, this has taken the place for an entire generation of celebrity gossip magazines and TV programs such as TMZ and Entertainment Tonight. Perhaps you find yourself comparing your life with those of the people you see on Instagram or TikTok. This can often lead to doom scrolling, which is both unhealthy for you and unhelpful to your own happiness.
As this topic has become more prescient in recent years, and given that this summer, many youths and college students find themselves with more spare time than before, we felt it would be good to sit down with Nina Kosubevsky, one of our therapists at the practice who specializes in working with young adults in their formative years, to discuss this topic and strategies she employs to help her clients overcome their comparative behaviors.
What effect does social media have on younger audiences and viewers?
Nina:
Often we look at social media and we get jealous of what others have. We compare ourselves to them, what they have, what lives they lead, where they travel, and how they present themselves to the outside work. This can create a false image of what all of a person’s peers experience as “life”. It’s not real. We have to remind ourselves that social media is fake. We have to put our phones down and remind ourselves about what we do have and what we can be grateful for, in order to stop ourselves from falling into this spiral.
Mike: What do you recommend people who might be dissatisfied with their lives because of social media comparisons do in order to be more grateful for what they have?
Nina: My suggestion is that you can start a daily practice of journaling or even saying out loud 3 things that you are grateful for each day. Try and make this broader than simply something like “I’m grateful for my house”, or “I love my dog”, or “My job makes me happy”. Dig deeper. Why are you thankful for that job? I am thankful that I am employed because it allows me to travel, it enables me to meet new people, or it provides me with an opportunity to provide for my family. You might note that you’re thankful for friends because it shows that you have people in your life who care about and support you, who don’t judge you, and who want to be there with you at important moments and momentous occasions.
Instead of being jealous of what others have, take a moment to be thankful for what you have. Just because someone is on an island does not mean they have happiness and joy. Be mindful of your surroundings and the many blessings that you do have.
Mike: This seems like a great way to overcome that “Keeping up with the Jones” mentality that can often happen, especially for people in their twenties and thirties. I’m curious, if you could, for those who find themselves on social media a lot during the day, how do you recommend they take that first step in putting the phone down?
N: My advice for that is straightforward. When you wake up in the morning, spend the first thirty minutes alone. Away from your phone. Don’t even pick it up. Don’t concern yourself with missed calls and texts and notifications from the night before. Be present in the moment to yourself and your needs.
If you start your day being engulfed with the commotion and bombardment of constant live feed updates on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, you will keep looking for that throughout the day, consciously and unconsciously. If you start your day with more intention: slow and meaningful acts, you will want to continue your day this way and might not even want to look at your phone much at all. This is one way you can get started on the right track each day.
M: Interesting. So by starting your day intentionally and without the distraction, you’re setting yourself up to make a better, healthier, mindset to maintain throughout the day. For those who end up awake for hours at night making this very mistake, how do you recommend they avoid such busy distractions?
N: Firstly, my recommendation is to replace social media with reading or another non-screen activities. It can also vastly improve your sleep cycle. You might even turn your phone off an hour before bedtime so you are not tempted to look at it. By creating routines around screen time, you can change your habits and change the way you think about yourself and others. This is one of the most important ways you can get out of the habit of comparing yourself to others.
It’s also really important to remember, as I said above, that social media, as much as it might ‘feel’ real, isn’t real. We can get trapped into thinking that our happiness is contingent upon what others are doing and forget to be grateful for what we have. We can start to wish for a different life instead of realizing the many joys and gifts and blessings that we do have. Social media only presents us with the image that people want to present, and not with the life they actually have. We know this, yet cognitive dissonance allows us to forget it often enough that we can end up making ourselves unhappy in the process.
M: Thanks Nina. I think that’s a big part of the problem a lot of people have: they get wrapped up in what other people are doing and sometimes they end up in a rut and can’t quite figure out how to get out of it. So, I’m curious, beyond these tips and tricks, what can clients and potential clients do to get help for these issues?
N: Great question. Firstly, remember that you’re not alone. You have a support system of friends and family who love and care about you and want to be involved in your life. You can always reach out to me or whoever your therapist at the practice is to discuss your habits if you find yourself doom scrolling a lot.
If you don’t have a therapist, and you find yourself unhappy and struggling to compare yourself to others, I highly recommend scheduling an intake appointment and starting that process. Sometimes, all it takes is having someone to talk things out with, and that’s where a good therapist can be incredibly helpful. Lastly, practice mindfulness and journal, as I mentioned before. Take time to take stock of the good you have in your life. Be appreciative. Stop yourself from ending up in a negative pattern. Through all of these methods, you can live a happier, more fulfilling life!