Secret Weapon #1. Surrender Your Addictions and Bad Habits. (Threat: Selfishness) We all have bad habits. Sometimes these habits become addictions and create havoc in the life of you and your loved ones. Problems with alcohol, drug and p*rn addiction can be deadly to your marriage. Other less severe addictions can also cause problems. It is essential that you begin to delete these destructive habits out of your life so you can have the long-lasting love you want. If you are struggling with entrenched bad habits and/or addictions, I recommend that you take action NOW to get counseling that can assist you in breaking free from them.
Secret Weapon #2. Forgive each other from your heart. (Threat: Resentments) Forgiveness has an extraordinary power to heal. However, many people get stuck and believe they can’t forgive. This often happens due to common misconceptions of forgiveness. Many people believe forgiveness means that you’re letting the person get off the hook. This is not true. You can both forgive and continue to set boundaries, holding your spouse accountable for his or her behavior. Forgiveness is a conscious choice to let go of the bitterness, resentment, and desire for revenge. It makes space for love and mercy in your marriage. It also frees you from the poison of resentments and bitterness.
Secret Weapon #3. Seek Healing for Past Emotional Wounds. (Threat: Unresolved Trauma) Many types of unresolved trauma or emotional wounds can affect your ability to be vulnerable and develop a deep intimacy with your spouse. Common sources of these wounds include childhood abuse, sexual assaults, past abusive relationships, and family wounds such as divorce. People respond to these traumas in many different ways that range from healthy to destructive. You may have been very resilient and overcome many of life’s challenges on your own or with the help of friends and family. However, sometimes the coping skills that you developed to overcome adversity in the past become a liability in your present. I highly recommend that you pro-actively seek out healing for past wounds now!
Secret Weapon #4. Invest in your spouse’s love bank. (Threat: Damaging Conflicts). According to research done by marriage experts, happy couples have 20 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction during normal times and 5 positive interactions to every negative one during times of conflict. Each positive interaction is like putting deposits in your love bank and each negative interaction is a withdrawal. I call this the economy of love. How is the economy in your relationship? Start making better investments in your marriage by increasing your positive loving interactions with your spouse, even during times of conflict.